3 New Year’s Resolutions for Better Sex
The New Year is a season of time-honored traditions like the Mummers’ parade, burning scarecrows, and hitting the gym regularly for 3 to 6 weeks. It’s a moment to reflect, start anew, and create resolutions focused on self-improvement, health, and relationships.
Improving your sex life can be a powerful resolution for 2025. Even subtle shifts can have a big impact on the quality of your physical and emotional connection.
Here are three strategies to help you enhance intimacy and pleasure in the coming year—no sex swing or high-tech gadgets required:
Resolution #1: Set Realistic Expectations for Intimacy
(aka “When Aren’t We Having Sex”)
This might sound counterintuitive but hear me out. Many people struggle to find a satisfying rhythm in their intimate life, often trapped in a frustrating cycle of trying the same things that don’t work.
The truth is, everyone has their own natural preferences and patterns. Understanding these tendencies—rather than fighting against them—can help make your intimate life flow more easily.
Practical Tips:
Create an open, non-judgmental space for honest conversations about sex and the challenges you face. This can help you understand each other's needs better. Pick a neutral spot (not the bedroom) to discuss this topic and extend the invitation ahead of time. You could say something like, “I would love to talk about how to we can make sex more comfortable and less stressful for both of us. Could we talk about it on Sunday?”
Analyze your schedules and identify when sex is least likely to happen—whether it's due to work, kids, or other external factors. Does your partner work late on Tuesdays and come home exhausted? Cross that off the list. Do weekday mornings feel like a mad dash? Yeah, that might not work either. And let’s not forget those super important NFL games. Reverse engineering, baby.
Identify (or create) at least two “windows of opportunity” for intimate connection each week. What open spaces are left on your calendar after factoring in the obstacles and recurring commitments? Think about what fits your current reality instead of what used to work before. Saturday afternoon might be the new Friday night.
This isn't about "scheduling sex" but rather creating awareness about when physical connection (not necessarily sex) might be possible, which can help you align your expectations and ease the pressure.
Benefits:
Better understanding of each other’s needs and preferences.
Reduced pressure around sex, leading to a more relaxed, enjoyable experience.
An intentional mindset increases the likelihood of being intimate, making it easier and more fulfilling.
By setting realistic expectations and learning to work within your natural patterns, you can create a more fulfilling and satisfying intimate relationship.
Resolution #2: Explore and Expand your Sexual Mindset
Exploring new ways of connecting can reignite passion and provide opportunities for growth and novelty, two important elements for creating or sustaining sexual desire. Small, incremental changes are often more actionable.
Perhaps start with a simple Yes/No/Maybe list before incorporating The Piledriver and Reverse Amazon into your repertoire. Everyone is different though, and it’s important to honor and respect personal boundaries and preferences in the process.
Practical Tips:
Use technology to help you find inspiration. Apps and websites to consider are:
OMGYes: techniques to enhance the pleasure of people with vulvas.
Coral: intimacy suggestions for couples
DipSea: spicy audiobooksIncorporate different types of physical intimacy like massage or sensory play. Maybe you buy a Wartenberg wheel, some essentials oils, or a flogger, to mix it up. Rebrand this as “naked fun time,” focusing more on pleasure and light experimentation rather than pursuing a specific goal (e.g. firm erection, orgasm, etc.).
Consider streaming (or attending) HUMP!, which brands itself as “the world’s best amateur porn film festival.” Their curated collection of short movies—5 minutes or less—promotes body positivity, inclusivity, and diverse representation of intimacy and human connection. Afterwards you can talk about what turned you on, what gave you the ick, or what made you laugh. Because sex can be funny sometimes.
Benefits:
Keeps sexual encounters fresh and exciting.
Builds deeper trust and connection by embracing vulnerability together.
Opens the door to discovering new ways to give and receive pleasure.
Resolution #3: Prioritize your personal wellness
Exploring new forms of intimacy together can be helpful (or exciting) for some, but it may not be enough to overcome personal challenges like grief, unresolved trauma, physical pain, or performance anxiety. When any of these factors are present it can understandably curb your sexual appetite or enthusiasm.
Let’s kick off 2025 by dealing with those symptoms you’ve been trying to ignore or rationalize—hoping things might get better through wishful thinking. Maybe that means scheduling your “annual” physical (now several years overdue), joining a free peer support group, or checking out a low-cost community acupuncture clinic.
There are many pathways to healing, with sex therapy being just one of them. If that’s an option you’re considering then consult the AASECT referral directory for a certified sex therapist—like myself—who is licensed in your state.
If you’re in Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, or Rhode Island then I would be happy to offer a free 15-minute consultation to explore working together.
Improve Sexual Health and Intimacy with Small Steps
Developing realistic expectations, prioritizing self-care, and exploring new intimacy practices are small steps that can lead to significant improvements in sexual health and intimacy. Although change takes time, approaching these resolutions with an open mind and patience is a good beginning for a happy ending.
